I knew she was out of my league. Not way out but a little out. With her perfect features and charming smile. With her wit and intelligence. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an ogre or troll-like in nature. Far from it. I’m good looking; some may even go as far as calling me handsome. I earn so it wasn’t a case of broke-ass versus Diva. I never topped my class but I was definitely no dullard. But there was just this…thing. This extra that made her out of my league. And I knew.
“Girls like that don’t go for guys like you”, they warned. My friends. The ones whom I can’t bear to look at now for the ‘I told you so’ I’d see in their eyes.
She was young. I watched her for about a year. I didn’t make any move; tried to put her out of mind. It worked. And then one day, as if the gods were orchestrating a dance, she wound up within close proximity. Those eyes and the mystery they held. That smile. I just had to reach out.
We became fast friends, talking for hours on end about everything and nothing. She told me her deepest secrets. I cried with her, held her hand. Day and night we talked. Day and night.
The first rejection didn’t hurt that much. “I’m too fresh out of my last relationship. If I’m going to be with you, I don’t want us to be just a rebound thing.”
Ok, I thought. I could live with that. I’ve waited years, a few more months wouldn’t hurt.
I was ecstatic when I could finally say that she was mine. They cautiously congratulated me. My friends. “She’s young”, they warned, “flighty at that age”.
I didn’t care. I loved her.
The second time hurt. Bad. The side mirror of my car can attest to that. Luckily, the other car was just lightly scratched and I managed to beg my way out of paying any money.
The third time was just confusing. “I’m not attracted to you.” Really? And it took you what, eight months to figure it out?
Why do you keep coming back? Is it not enough that you have tormented me so? Put my life on hold for five years? Like a remote controlled toy, you press play and we’re on. Pause and we’re off. Is it fair? Answer me woman, is it?
Her coming back was always the same. It’d start with a text or call “Just to say hey”. And before long, we’d be back. She would really be a changed person at first. Model girlfriend, really making an effort to make it work. Those periods were blissful. The memories, I still hold dear. But before long…
The fourth time, we called it quits. Like really called it quits, never to return again. The oscillation had gotten boring. We were not pendulum bobs.
Her come back this time was aggressive; guns blazing, taking no hostages. She came to the office, house, everywhere. She had ‘parked her car and thrown away the keys’. Final bustop. How many kids would you like to have?
All the friends said no. “Move on man, you’re not getting any younger”. Did I listen to them? Yes I did. Did I take their advice? No I did not.
Was I stupid? I don’t know. But I loved her. That I know. I did not know how to do anything else but love her.
She took off again. I made up my mind. This would be the last time. The last time she’d leave me weeping like a wounded animal. The last time she’d make me get queries at work. The last time she’d make me shut myself off from the world. I deleted everything: pin, numbers, pictures, messages, the whole works. Not like it really mattered; they were all forever etched in my brain.
Now she’s calling again.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? HAVE YOU NOT PLAGUED ME ENOUGH??
Adetunji Ajayi do not pick up that phone. Don’t. Stop this madness. This is how it starts, you know that. Stand up and move to another room. Smash the phone. Anything. Just. Don’t. Pick. Up.