Go on; open up that bottle of Veuve Clicquot. Pour yourself a glass. No, not that thin-stemmed sissy champagne flute.
The long wide tumbler.
Now take a nice long sip. Close your eyes. Relax. Let the rich sour taste sink in. That’s it, there you go. Ignore the flashing red indicator light of your blackberry. It is probably another scathing email.
Heartbreaker.
You smile. It’s not the first time you’ve been called that. Perhaps it will be the last?
Heart. Breaker.
Porcelain. Porcelain always comes to mind whenever that term is used.
So basically, you take people’s porcelain hearts and smash those to tiny little pieces, yes? Isn’t that what they mean?
There was Tobi. Cute little Tobi. You were both young, he was traveling for school. Your being young did not stop you from seeing the futility in long distance puppy love. He didn’t take it very kindly. “Heartbreaker”, he called you. Take another sip.
Then came Tunde. You really were in love with him. But you had only just started University. He was done with school and was already showing you around to the family as ‘wife’. You weren’t ready. Wasn’t his fault. Wasn’t yours either. Different stages in your lives. He’s married with a kid now and you’re still not ready. It would never have worked. But does he see it like that? Nope. He still hates you. Have another long sip my dear for the “Heartbreaker” that he called you.
Remi. Not your fault that you couldn’t trust him. You never actually dated the guy; he was way too shady and you liked him too much. He was ready to date and then you weren’t. Then you were and he wasn’t. Small sip this time, you really can’t tell if his heart was really broken.
Chris. You both didn’t think too much; if you did, you wouldn’t have gone into it. Both of you. It was fun but of course it didn’t last. You both didn’t expect it to. Stage/personality difference. You had to end it for the good of both of you. Any longer and it’d have been messy. Rather, messier. If he’s honest, he’d agree. But no. You took the step, you take the fall. “Heartbreaker.” Deep long sip darling, you cared deeply. You still do.
Ah Zeus. Zeus Zeus Zeus. (For better understanding: No Love For Z) What can you say? You tried, Lord knows you did. He never really came out to say “Hearbreaker”. But every time you looked into his eyes…empty the glass here love; this one was your loss.
Now pour another glass. And down it all.
This one’s for all those other hearts you didn’t ask for. “TAKE YOUR PORCELAIN FROM MY HANDS”, you told them. “I DO NOT WANT IT!”
But no. They kept thrusting it into your hands. “Take it from me”, you pleaded. But they shoved it in your face. You shoved it back. They shoved it back. You handed it over gently. They didn’t want to take it back. Then it slipped and fell. Broke into tiny little pieces. Of course you got blamed.
Heartbreaker.
It doesn’t matter that you cried your eyes out each time. Doesn’t matter that you still do sometimes. Doesn’t matter that it hurts when you look around and there’s no one there. When you need someone to talk to. Or just be there. Like the night your cousin died.
No honey, tonight you shed no tears; have a sip instead.
Heartbreaker.
I hear Karma hunts your kind.
Empty your glass. Pour yourself another. Now put your feet up, cross your ankles and look her in the eye.
“Bring it on bitch.”
THIS!!!! Oh good Lord!! THIS!!!!
LikeLike
*Standing up and clapping*…
LikeLike
You write about our lives. The best gift any writer can give is to be relatable. Love your blog for that.
LikeLike
*standin ovation* now dis is d Dania I fell in luv with…
Unfortunately, on dis one I can’t relate. Never been a heart breaker, neva got my heart broken (punched but not even a crack)…
So I guess ur Zeus moment happened too…well life neva did play fair…
LikeLike
Dania!!!!! No words. This is what they call a fucking writer!
*bows*
Murder she wrote.
LikeLike
WOW…*very slow clap* so damn vivid!
LikeLike
this is just amazing!!!!!
LikeLike
Keep at this, the Orange Prize for Fiction and many more accolades isn’t far off. Most writers fall into the trap of telling the “single story” but you don’t.. remarkable stuff.
LikeLike
RT this. U r def winning awards sum day
LikeLike
Beautiful writing!
LikeLike
Beautiful writing. Can’t relate though
You like drinking abi? Lol
LikeLike
Aww ada I wish I could write this good…luv it.*thumbs up*
LikeLike
Dania o! THIS!!! You killed it…whaaaaat!!!
LikeLike
I’m not gonna do the usual clap-clap. You already know you write well.
Back to the the subject , I’m honestly lost as to whether this is a soliloquy ( hearbreaker vs new heart), or a third party narrative (involving a new ‘him’ that looks to work karma on ‘her’)
I read so many possibilities in the story that I might just be missing the simple gist.
What is really happening?
LikeLike
Lol, once again you’ve allowed your overly analytical mind get the better of you.
Its pretty basic. Heartbreaker writing in the 2nd person. Perhaps in an attempt to reach out to fellow heartbreakers.
LikeLike
Noice!
LikeLike
GHEUN!!! Dis babe’s brain is on fire, in dat little head of urz comes forth MIGHTY THINGS…@afrosays: dnt read too much in2 d story, dan what is alredy ther
LikeLike
WOW!! this is insannnnneeeeee, i loove this piece, maybe cuz it speaks to me a little…ur an amazing writer and i simply cant say that enough!
LikeLike
its funny how i seem to find this funny..lol…
LikeLike
Wow! Wud luv to get inside ur head n c hw it works cuz…damn! U killd it again. Ure a prolific writer. Can’t say I don’t envy ur gift.
LikeLike
Oh wow, at some point in my life, I went down memory lane, and remembered how all of my big cousins , aunties and uncles used to say ‘this one will be a heartbreaker’, and at the moment I was thinking, I was like all of you put a curse on me. I was convinced it was their fault. At some point I tried to break it, but then later I owned it, I got used to taking the blame, and now it doesn’t hurt so much, someone had to, and I took it.
This post is sooo me, especially chris and the ones after….
Lovely post
LikeLike
Ok I’m officially in love with you #yeshomo!
Sumtimes I think u r in my head dis babe.
This one’s for all those other hearts you didn’t ask for. “TAKE YOUR PORCELAIN FROM MY HANDS”, you told them. “I DO NOT WANT IT!”. Totally captures it! I’m sick of being called a heartbreaker!
And for the ones I did ask for, really shit does happen. Cos I did d breakn up dsnt make me a bad person
LikeLike
Thanks everyone! For reading and taking the time to leave a comment.
Your kind words humble and spur me on.
LikeLike
WOW! I am so in love with u! #Homo-all-the-way!
U need 2 write a book cuz ur writing is just amazing! Nd totally relatable!
The best writing I’ve seen in a while! Best blog around IMO!
‘The hearts u ddnt ask for’ I can so relate 2 dat!
Bless!
LikeLike
I just loooooove how you write.*sigh* lemme gaan get my big glass
“And not d thin stemmed sissy ones”.
LikeLike
I like the piece, your style of writing is original, its witty and straight to the point, but… Been reading your stuff for a bit now and it honestly lacks something, it lacks a whole-ness. Its definitely above par but not quite there yet. Keep it up!
LikeLike
Dnt knw wat kanyin means abt whole ness, nt sure I wanna knw dou bt dania is jst IT. she translates reality to written words. We dnt want no fake unrealistic tales by moonlight stories bt writings we can relate with.#nuffabtthat. Bring it on is d typical life of every pretty gal, d guys u want n dnt want jst kip coming. Even wen ur almost tired of dating cos of nasty experiences, dey jst kip comin n puttin deir porcelain into ur hands n askin u to do as u pls,bt u dnt wanna be a heartbreaker cos ur nice bt u stil dnt knw exactly wat to do, so @ d end, ur a heartbreaker,hmmmm! Sad bt we can’t do anythin abt dose uncalld porcelains, dey sumhow find deir way out after being shattered severally. @ d end we all wish for a porcelain that is wanted n wants to remain.
LikeLike
I agree, I don’t see any lack of wholeness…..Dania writes beautiful stuff…always on point,always lacking nothing….from where I’m standing,I see wholeness sha
LikeLike
Thanks guys. I’m always open to constructive criticism as well as praise so I will look into this ‘wholeness’ issue.
LikeLike
Woooww!!! Dis is d 1st tym I’m readin ur post & it got me speechless…Nice piece of writin..
LikeLike
Story of my life… Ada we really should be alot closer considering how you think just like me…
LikeLike
You know…
LikeLike
Lovely, Dania, simply lovely. Now i knw y i luv u so :D
Can totally relate wiv d most parts of the post too, unfortunately….. *sigh*
LikeLike
Wow good story babe n its actualy so tru n real.even if d ish isn’t workin n u man up n walk away,u tak d fall for it n ur the heartbreaker .
Love the “bring it on bitch” am def addin karma 2ma list d oda nigga I wana kill is cupid . :D
LikeLike
Love the way it ends with ‘bring it on hitch’….I like!
LikeLike
*bitch*
LikeLike
wow, love it! you’re soo good at this!!!
“Empty your glass. Pour yourself another. Now put your feet up, cross your ankles and look her in the eye”.. Epic!!
LikeLike
I like , love this post.. Wooow. This has to be your best post so far and I am completely and utterly impressed… Maybe a lil jealous even. But babe u’ve got IT! And I love IT!! Please keep ’em coming…
Never gotten my heart broken but I sure have broken a few albeit unintentionally. But I’m not scared of karma jooor…the bitch aint got notin on me..but I won’t dare her tho…
LikeLike
…I so do have Zeus and i keep wondering,who is the heart breaker here sef…
Some dude,just passed me his porcelein and this time around i might just keep it and make a stature out of it ..*.am so tired of dating and am expected to marry*
Wonderful piece Dania…You killed it…and yeah look into the Wholeness stuff..kk
LikeLike
*insert standing ovation here* You nailed it girl!!! thumbs up, Always a fan
LikeLike
Err…WOW!!!!just got into d “world” of bloggers..read a couple of your stuff!!!but this is really nice…
LikeLike
If I were a songwriter and if that meant anything in Nigeria’s music scene:) I’d write a song “take your porcelain from my hands” enjoyed d piece
LikeLike
Its Easy to b called a hrtbreaker even wen doing d right thing. d decision is never Easy to make.
LikeLike
I know am 2years late but this is just ….. I’m totally pouring myself a glass
LikeLike
I’m new to your blog but from the first story I read, I immediately became entranced. If not haven’t been told already, you truly have a gift.
LikeLike