Demon Angel

(May 2016)

My every encounter with you leaves me bruised

Needing to heal all over again

Sometimes it’s intended, sometimes it isn’t

Perhaps it’s not multiple wounds, but just the one

The one which has refused to heal

But is constantly covered up by dead skin

Every encounter with you, peeling off the dead skin

Revealing a wound so real that it is fresh

So same that it is old

 

My every encounter with you leaves me bigger

Wider, open-er; bigger

Every time I forgive you for a slight; real or perceived

My heart’s capacity gets bigger

Each time a vow of ‘never again’

Is broken before it is even made

Each hello at the other end of your call

Each buzz of a replied text

Is evidence of growing bigness

 

My every encounter with you leaves me smaller

Perhaps you are the thorn in my flesh

My own messenger of Satan

To keep me from exalting myself

Every tear shed and moment lost

The constant heaviness that is you following me around

Every confession of peace

Every confession for peace

The chanting and muttering

Of mantras unyielding

Keep me small and human

 

My every encounter with you leads me thirsty

In need of the One who is bigger

Lord knows He has been implored numerously

Release me oh Lord

Release me from my messenger

Take away this longing in human form

Hands of which have clutched my heart

Refusing to let go

I don’t know what it is

It is not love

Love is a choice

I have not chosen you

I do not know what it is

But I would very much like to be rid of it

Of you and your bruising ability