This Means War

Me: I really cannot stand a long distance relationship. I can’t stand being unable to touch the one I love.

You: I feel like you think of me as an object, like the only times I feel like we are connected is when you touch me.

You: How can you stay so long without talking to me?

Me: You don’t have to worry about me. Take me for granted, I’m true to you.

You: I’m eating a kiwi

Me: You see why I love you so much?

You: Bleh

Me: Nkem

You: Nwokem

#######

This is not a love note, my darling. This is a declaration of war.

I told myself I’d stay committed to you. No matter how long you take to come back home.

It’s a gender bending relationship, this thing you and I have. You’re off to discover yourself, in a new country, making money in currency stronger than the Naira. I’m home, biding my time, only talking to you via WhatsApp, phone calls, BBM and the occasional Hangout & Skype.

I’ve forgotten what you smell like. I remember I used to love the smell of you, that musky scent that stuck to little parts of me. The smell that has carried me through numerous Monday mornings with the hugest, goofiest of smiles on my face.

I don’t know if you’re staying true.

I remember telling you how perfect you are to me, now I have no idea what you feel like. I fear I’ve lost my muscle-memory reactions to when you sit close to me. My hand finds it’s way to your knee, always your knee. Weird that’s that what I remember most; the angles and contours of you.

I bet you’re making faces now. You always did when I tell you how much I love you. Lol. I remember telling you again a few days ago. Your reply? “Bleh”.

I’ve known you for 8 years, I’ve loved you for 4 years, I’ve had you for 2 years. After all this time, it’s easy to say we’ve gotten comfortable. I fear that I’ll never get to know you though, that I’ll never been good enough to love you.

I’ve got jungle fever. No, not that interracial ish. The inter tribal itch that only you can scratch.

This distance really sucks. But I’ll see you soon. I’ll see you soon and this scares me. I feel giddy when I think of it, like that first time at your home. I feel like we have a chance to be reborn, phoenix shit.

I don’t if I can stay true much longer. In an abstract, yet firm kind of way, I love you more now than I did then. In a real, physical kind of way, I can give up and be with someone else.

When all the world is done with their red-tinted mushiness, I’ll be closer to you than I’ve been in almost a year. That thought makes me smile.

Damn this declaration of war crap, I just realised I’m still in love with you.

— @MedexDeyanz