Lost

I’m so lost. And for the first time in a long time I feel alone.

The pain welcomes me like an old friend. I shrink from it and embrace it at the same time. It is familiar. I’d hoped I’d never be here again.

I lost you today.

They say it is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. I call bullshit. ‘They’ have obviously not loved before.

Before. I wish I could give back each cheesy line, each smile, each kiss. I’d give them all up just not to be here again.

You’re gone.

Once again leaving me with discordant pieces to pick up and shallow clichés that are supposed to soothe me.

Clichés. Don’t tell me that it’s for the best. Don’t tell me that it isn’t me. Or that it isn’t you. None of that makes it better. I know that someday, it’ll be okay. That I’ll look back and smile. But not right now, when I’m fighting to choke back this dam. Not right here, where I have sunken to the floor because my legs have betrayed me.

Betrayal. Memories that used to make me smile and keep me going till I was in your arms again; these memories have turned around and stabbed me in the back. Now they haunt me; mocking, taunting. Reminding me of what was, and what could’ve been. It is rumored that they are supposed to keep one warm at night. Instead, they keep me up all night.

No. I would that I had not loved you at all; the sweetness of loving you in no way makes up for this…this pain that is losing you.