Another one for me.
But then which one of me?
I’m not sure; the lines have become blurred.
Journey into integration and self discovery?
Or gradual descent into abhorred normalcy?
You need to find me.
This mind is bursting at the seams with conversations unhad, fights unfought, and lies untold. Why do you tarry so? Don’t you think of me too? Do you not miss me at nights? Or do you already tell someone else the insignificant parts about your day? Do you allow her to hold you and cradle your head in her bosom?
Tell me, do you?
She doesn’t bother me though. She’s not the one and you know it. She’s everything you thought you wanted but you still balk inwardly when she talks future. You can’t picture having our children with her. Or perhaps you do see the picture but there’s something wrong with it and you can’t put your finger on it.
That’s because you need to put your fingers on me.
These breasts are full, waiting. These arms ache from the emptiness. See how these lips are permanently pursed? They have become stiff from needing to be kneaded. This skin tingles just at the thought of you. Not when he dares to touch. Or when the other one thinks his words are so hot. No, not any of them. Just you.
I’m done with all of them. I can’t keep it up anymore. I’m tired. Of the ones who have your look and not your heart. Of the ones who have your mind but not your smile. Of the ones who are you but are not mine. Mine. My own. Nkem. Why do you tarry so? Surely you’re not in collusion with the universe to punish me?
It was never my intent.
Yes there is a jar that bears my name. A porcelain jar. I did not ask for it but I understand that I must be punished for its contents. But isn’t my punishment a bit severe considering that I mostly didn’t ask for those hearts? This ache underneath the ice façade…this hollow…surely it’s enough?
Dude. You need to find me already.