Attempt At Humor So You Better Laugh -_-, OLN

Yackity Yackity Yack.

Dania

Arrgggggggggg!!!!

Arrrghhhhhhhhh!!!

*deep breaths*

*angry high pitched wailing* Where the hell am i? And what are these…these…things? Is this how they look like here? How big and ugly! Oh crap! I thought I was too big to stay there but I’d gladly go back now. I want to go back!

Few minutes later, after she’d been cleaned…

Let me see her. Oh she’s so beautiful. Hello my angel. My sweet beautiful angel.

Oh stop sniffing and rubbing your nose on me already! What are you, a dog? I’d like a nap if you don’t mind. Or what you guys don’t sleep here?

Ok nurse, I can rest now right? When do I have to feed her?

Oh great, not only do you have doglike traits, you speak incoherently. What language is that? Not like I care much anyway, can you not see that my eyes are closing? Put me down now!

No problem nurse, please help me put her in the cot.

Ah so that’s what I have to do to be heard ey? Scream? *rolling my eyes* Please I do not want to be disturbed.

Few hours later…

*yawn* *stretch* What a nightmare. *looks around* Uh uh. It wasn’t a nightmare. *deep breath* Okay, calm down girl don’t panic. It may not be bad. It’s definitely different but you can’t go back remember? You’ve outgrown it. So go with this new flow and see where it takes you. *sigh* Pep talk over, what’s a girl gotta to do get some food up in here huh? Hello?? Big fat person sleeping on the bed?!! *angry high pitched wailing*

Oh hey darling you’re up.

You’re up? Good. I’m hungry, how does food work here?

You’re probably hungry, right?

Sigh. You really are slow aren’t you?! Okay let me go slowly: I’M HUNGRY?!!!

Awww stop crying, c’mere *picks her out of cot and settles her in the breastfeeding position*

Err…what are you doing? Look lady I said I was hungry. Not cold. You know what, I want to talk to your superior. This is not acceptable.

*guides her mouth to left nipple and encourages her to suck*

What? You want me to…Oh. It looks different. Ok let me try it. If I get food poisoning ehn? Here goes…*mental sign of the cross*

*winces as she takes first bite*

Hmmmm. Not bad. But this is just the appetizer right? I better not fill up before the main course. *stops sucking*

*nudges her to continue*

What? I said I’m done now! Hian!

Okay girl, you don’t eat that much. Its okay I’m sure you’ll work up an appetite. Your dad will soon be here, don’t worry. Grandma came earlier too but you were asleep. I know your dad and I are haven’t agreed yet but I think I’m gonna call you Sophie. Sophie.

Yackity yackity yack. Boy you sure can talk! Perhaps you should put a plug in it and go see what’s happening with my main course? It’s taking so long and I’m hungry.

He may be a bit disappointed because he wanted a boy but I’m sure that when he sees what lovely eyes you have he’ll fall in love like I have.

Why are you staring at my eyes like that? It’s making me very uncomfortable if you must know. Now I’m really hungry!!! *angry high pitched wailing*

What are you hungry again? *positions her in front of nipple again*

Wait, what? This IS all the food you people have got? Oh come on!

Come on Sophie I know you’re hungry; you didn’t eat much the first time, go on…

*sigh* I’m in serious trouble…

*in a sing song voice* Sophie is a good girl eeiya eeiya o…

Oh my! Are you trying to sing?! Please I’ll take it or do whatever you ask just please stop that noise! Here see, I’m eating…

There you go…

A week later…

It’s not so bad here, they’re queer but I think I’ve figured them out. They don’t understand regular talking. All I have to do is scream if I want anything and they come running. I scream when I’m hungry, tired, hot, cold or if I need new clothes. I even scream when I’m just plain bored. Those times are actually really funny. You should see all the things I make them do before I stop screaming. They sing all kinds of songs in the most ridiculous voices and then make the dumbest faces?! The other day though, when I screamed out of boredom, nobody came. Perhaps they are figuring it out? Hmmm. Maybe they’re not as dumb as I thought…

Dania’s thoughts: The next time you look at a baby… .

Published by Dania

Living brave.

36 thoughts on “Yackity Yackity Yack.”

  1. Lol dis reminds me of d movie “baby genius” it was hilarious.bt av always felt dos lil tyrants r smarta dan we giv em credit 4.
    Nyc 1 dear,I’m def never gona luk @a baby d same way again sha. :D

    Like

    Reply

  2. Errm… speakin as a guy i still beleive babies are dumb… but nonetheless, loved the post. funny. Actually laughed out loud at “…mental sign of the cross…”. I Like the way that mind of yours works… BTW been so busy i dint get to see d last post (What If) till just now… Dint know u had a “spiritual side”… impressed…

    Like

    Reply

  3. lol, darnia your thots ehnn! hw did u put this togedaa?? its a lvlie piece n comic at thatt… WHAT IF babies actualli r as depicted…mayb nt entirely tho..nice one

    Like

    Reply

  4. Dania!!! Haba!!! D thots dat run thru dat head of urs…but serzly I do think dat babies r smarter dan we think dey are. Dat don’t excuse ur insanity tho. Hehehehe. Beautiful piece yet again.

    Like

    Reply

  5. Goodness hun! How on earth do u conceive these things?? I literally laughed all thru the read- 0400hrs in the morning and I’m possibly heard laughing aloud at home. So babies do think WE are the ones who speak incoherently yeah, and actually wait for the ‘main course’ eh? *rotfl* This is some comic relief! Absolutely enjoyed it! I have to say ‘Thank u’. :)

    Like

    Reply

  8. Hahahahaha!Hilarious..reminds me of
    the movie Baby Genius too.So this is how babies perceive us yea?And we think we are the normal ones?*sigh*i can only imagine the pains and frustrations of new born babies and how many adjustments they have to make in their new world full of strange human beings lol.Good write-up as usual Ada,love your creativity

    Like

    Reply

  9. Lmao! Very nice one Ada. Lol, but what if babies were exactly like this?! Glad you Finally blogged about something totally lighthearted and hilarious.

    Like

    Reply

  10. Laaavvv eeetttt!!!! LOL. But FYI, Babies can only see like 8-11inches in front of them for about a week – a month. Still love it though! HIlarious!

    Like

    Reply

  11. LMAOOOOOO! I love it! Exactly, it reminds me of the movies, Baby Geniuses and Look Who’s Talking… Good work Ada. (Y)

    Like

    Reply

  13. Nice one! Looool, ve always thot abt wat babies think of us bt u puttin it way,think I ve an idea now. I ll kip it in mind next time I look @ a baby.

    Like

    Reply

  20. I’m so glad I ended up not writin d post I wanted to write bout my niece…cos u killed dis one mehn…heelahreeyus…
    I cnt believe u posted 2 “non-sad” posts in a row…wow…d council is gonna hav to change it’s initial assessment…

    Like

    Reply

  21. LoL! Babies are such divas though; since I saw “Look who’s talking” I always just know they’re str8 clowning when they cry ‘unnecesarily’.. *SmH*

    Like

    Reply

What are your thoughts?